May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
