Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize