thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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