We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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