We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
