Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
