well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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