Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
