i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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