I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
