And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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