Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
