i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
