those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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