I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
