The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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