he thought i was a dude.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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