I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize