dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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