I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
