i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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