On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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