I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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