I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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