four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
