we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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