I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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