is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
