4 words: hood of his car
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
