Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
