i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
