She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I need water and some morals
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
