Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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