party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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