Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
