apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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