I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
