I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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