It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
