so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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