I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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