Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
