Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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