If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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