just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
