Your face is a jimmy john
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
