Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
