The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
