Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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