mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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