dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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