we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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