So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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