Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
