I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
