So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
