Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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