What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
