By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
