I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
