i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
