please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
