We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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