The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
