Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
