"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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