Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
