I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
