She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
