Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
