I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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