season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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