it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
