i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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