is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My balls are so social today.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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