I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
