Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
