can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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