fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
