Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
