Whod you bang
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
