Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
