me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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